Customer Disservice

Lifehack.org has some excellent guidelines on how to drive a customer crazy. I think I've seen all of these.

• Pretend you haven’t noticed they are there.
• Stay in first gear, especially when they are rushing.
• Let them overhear your personal phone call, and make no attempt to end it.
• Open late. Close early.
• Say “That’s not our policy.”
• Say “That’s not my job.”
• Say “I’m not allowed to do that.”
• Say “I have no idea.”
• Say “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
• Slouch. Chew Gum. Twirl your hair between your fingers.
• Give them a blank stare, or worse, roll your eyes.
• Fidget distractedly.
• Appear bored.
• Finish whatever other task you have at hand, while they wait for you to attend to them.
• Talk story with other employees.
• Laugh at an “inside joke” they are not privy to.
• Speak in a monotone.
• See how long you can go without smiling.
• Be late for their appointment or with their reservation.
• Take shortcuts with your service, saying “you don’t really need this part do you?”
• Make excuses.
• Have a quick comeback for every point they may wish to make with you.
• Offer mechanical, routine service that is so uneventful, so ordinary, that they expect to pull a number and listen for you to call out “Next!”
• Look at them with open disapproval or impatience.
• Speak so softly, or in such a rush, that they need to keep asking “What was that?”
• Give them directions so involved or confusing they have to write them down.
• Give them “scenic” directions that take them out of their way when they really wanted a shortcut.
• Ignore the very young and very old in the group, talking only to the ones you assume are the “responsible ones” - or the paying ones.
• Assume that all customers are the same, and you already know what they want.