Proposals Sought

We invite interested companies to submit proposals on the Widget Re-Modernization Project, of which you can find a vague description at TAB A.

Please note that this is a separate RFP from the previously-issued RFPs for the Widget Modernization Project, the Widget Modernization Project II, and the Widget De-Modernization Project. If your firm submitted proposals for those earlier projects, be assured that a decision is expected any day now within a reasonable amount of time given the totality of the circumstances. In the meantime, a new proposal will have to be submitted in response to this RFP.

All proposals must be in the designated format at TAB B. The format may not neatly match the project, but any proposal that is not in proper format will be null and void. Not just null but also void. This may seem arbitrary, but it helps us immeasurably. For elaboration on our reasons, read Darwin.

All proposals must be leather-bound and submitted by no later than 5:00 PM on April 6, 2007 by courier or by certified mail. E-mail and fax submissions will not be accepted. Ten copies of each proposal must be provided because there are nine people on the selection committee and we want you to bear the expense of reproducing the copies. The tenth copy is saved in case the committee deadlocks, in which event it is placed on a large bulletin board alongside the other proposals. If it is returned to you later, please ignore what may appear to be dart holes.

If your proposal is accepted, this does not mean that you have the contract. It means that you are now on the eligible list of those who might get a contract. We do not in any way wish to imply that any person, organization, thing, or animal will get a contract, including those who get on the eligible list. Sometimes, our departments ask for proposals and then do nothing. [See above reference to Widget Modernization Project, Widget Modernization Project II, and Widget De-Modernization Project.]

If you suspect that we already have the successful bidder in mind and have contacted you simply because of some arcane rule that we have at least three bids, you may be too clever to be in our bidding pool. Be sure to submit a bid anyway.

If you suspect that no one in the purchasing office has ever run a small business, we will be happy to discuss your theory at a special meeting which is scheduled for just such topics. Bring your unsubmitted proposal to the meeting, which will be in our offices on April 20, 2007.