Advice for the Ultra-Sensitive: Season's Greetings

Since this is the time of the year when many people grapple with the propriety of various greetings, these simple guidelines are provided for the ultra-sensitive.

The person who wishes you a "Merry Christmas" does not:

• Assume you are Christian;


• Have a secret plan to convert you if you are not of that faith;
  
• Think you will burn in hell if you don't reciprocate.

The person who wishes you a "Happy New Year" does not:

• Believe that your only interest is pleasure;


• Have a hidden desire to borrow money if the new year brings financial happiness your way;
  
• Think you are a party-pooper if you fail to get blind drunk on New Year's Eve.
  

The person who wishes you "Happy Holidays" does not:

• Assume you are non-Christian;
  
• Enjoy describing all religious holidays in boring bureaucratic terms;
  
• Think you are a workaholic who needs some time off.