25 Unacceptable Excuses for Not Attending the Weekly Staff Meeting

1. Ennui.
2. Deja vu.
3. Heebie-jeebies.
4. Fear of domestic terrorism.
5. Carson got the last bear claw.
6. Wanted to lose a few pounds first.
7. Allergic to Old Spice.
8. Received email promising millions from widow in Ivory Coast.
9. Indiscreet use of "Reply All" button.
10. Job interview outside of building.
11. Thought I heard my car alarm.
12. Realized progress report had career-ending observations.
13. Feel lost in any meeting without endless PowerPoint.
14. Didn't want to hear diversity officer say "Walk the Talk."
15. Heard there was a quiz.
16. Chiggers.
17. What happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas.
18. Had to catch up on spam.
19. Sent Blackberry in my place.
20. Garbled voice mail sounded a lot like "Meeting canceled."
21. Visiting porn sites.
22. Preparing resume.
23. Pondering the meaning of Twitter.
24. Thinking outside of the box.
25. Learned that all of us aren't always as smart as one of us.