You Know You're Getting Old When . .

• Midway through "The Maltese Falcon" comes the realization that you have a closer resemblance to Greenstreet than to Bogart.


• Drugstores possess an odd appeal.


• Without requesting, you're given the senior discount.


• The "Early Bird Special" seems like sound scheduling.


• Your clothes are chosen more for comfort than for style.


• That Andre Rieu concert is pretty enticing.


• You use certain set phrases when you can't hear someone.


• If something rolls under the sofa, you postpone getting it until some day when you're down there.


• You have to pay attention to what you eat and drink and pillows are a serious subject.


• Police officers, firefighters, and doctors look very young.


• You don't recognize any of the celebrities in the gossip columns.


• You personally knew some of the people that now have buildings and parks named after them.


• You sense you're beginning to sound like your parents . . and find nothing wrong with that.


• You realize that adults whom you regarded as old when you were in high school were probably in their late twenties.


• You think back to your thirties and forties and shake your head at what you didn't know.


• And you're chilled by how many political leaders are in their thirties and forties.


• You avoid any movies that have a message.


• Your newspaper was much better thirty years ago.


• Elementary school children work with computers but you remember using a Big Chief tablet.


• There's a Sinatra CD in your car.


• And Beatles record albums in your garage storage room.


• You're noticing a lot more tail-gaters on the road.