Checklist for a Memorable Job Interview

Let's see if all of the bases are covered.

• Have no knowledge of what the firm does. Rely solely on rumors.
• Wear the wrinkled jacket that is still a little ripe from last summer.
• Don't waste any time shining your shoes.
• Put all of your fears and secrets on FaceBook along with those embarrassing photos from Spring Break.
• Show up late. You don't want to appear too eager.
• Tell the receptionist the joke you heard on the Howard Stern Show.
• Give the interview panel your "dead fish" handshake. Wipe your hand afterwards.
• Use colorful nicknames, such as Howie The Horse, to describe your former associates.
• Tell them they won't have to spend much on training because you are a wizard on most subjects.
• Ask if the receptionist is dating anyone.
• Leave your cell phone on and answer all calls with "Can't talk now because I'm about to be offered a job."
• Mention that you know a place in Peru where they could have gotten their office furniture a whole lot cheaper.
• Offer one of the panel members a breath mint.
• On the way out, tell them that you understand their coyness because you've often encountered the old "Hard to Get" ploy.

Oh yes, call the receptionist a couple of hours later and ask if you got the job.