Hollywood's Ground Rules
- If the list of possible villains consists of a college professor, a plumber, a social worker, and a business executive, the villain should always be the business executive.
- Once the appropriate amount of special effects has been determined, it should be tripled.
- With rare exceptions, religious figures should be depicted as hypocritical, evil, or foolish.
- Car chases should be no shorter than 15 minutes.
- Gratuitous political references are desirable, especially if they promote environmentalism or deride conservatives.
- Advice on how to present sex scenes should be obtained from 15-year-old boys.
- Sparkling dialogue takes time to write so feel free to replace it with obscenity or coarseness.
- Assume that your audience is slow-witted. Drive points home with a sledge hammer.
- Make the film a good 20 to 45 minutes longer than need be.
- Be a rebel, but just make sure that you are rebelling against all of the things your friends rebel against.
HA! How about a sub-category for lawyers:
ReplyDeleteAll lawyers are trial lawyers, usually criminal.
If one character is a lawyer, he must being either young, idealistic, and good, or old, corrupt and evil.
If two lawyers ever confront each other, the young, idealistic, and good lawyer will face hopeless odds, a skeptical boss, a hostile judge, and a defendant with bottomless pockets. He will win every time.
If two lawyers ever confront each other, the young, idealistic, and good lawyer will face hopeless odds, a skeptical boss, a hostile judge, and a defendent with bottomless pockets. He will win every time.
Dan,
ReplyDeleteYou and I must watch the same films.
Michael