How My Computer Resembles a Poor Employee

How does my computer resemble a poor employee?

1. Loses files.
2. Gives cryptic explanations.
3. When asked for "Help," never helps.
4. Brings a lot of worthless stuff to my attention.
5. Surprises me with sudden crises.
6. Occasionally makes subtle threats.
7. Requires expensive upgrades even if there is no change in performance.
8. Introduces viruses into the workplace.
9. Needs frequent screening by security.
10. Is impressive at first but then becomes slower and slower.