Saturday, December 28, 2024

The Ultimate College Application Essay

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.


Read the rest of the story of Hugh Gallagher's college application story.

6 comments:

Jean said...

That's just...weird.

Michael Wade said...

Jean,

I would have stamped "APPROVED" immediately.

Michael

Jean said...

Why? please.

Michael Wade said...

Unlike the all-too-predictable list of achievements disclosed by the young careerists (a.k.a. "Excellent Sheep") who've been jumping through an array of hoops since grade school in order to get into Harvard or its equivalent, this essay shows creativity, sound writing skills, a sense of humor, and bravery. I suspect most schools would reject him.

In a time of cancel culture and group think, we need more unconventional thinkers on campus. I'd give him a chance.

Michael

Jean said...

Thank you, Mr. Wade. Makes so much sense, gives me hope for myself.

Michael Wade said...

You're welcome, Jean.

I have full confidence that your hope will be fulfilled.

Michael