"Working With You Is Killing Me"

CareerJournal reviews still another book on dealing with irksome co-workers. An excerpt:

How common are these devils? In their extreme form, probably not very. But in milder shapes, they certainly creep up from time to time in every corridor. The authors' examples back up their belief that "many people play roles they are not even aware of." As it turns out, we are many different people all at once and responsibility for changing our toxic relationships sits squarely in our own in-box.

The specific techniques suggested by Ms. Crowley and Ms. Elster include breathing deeply, understanding our role in the problem, focusing on solutions and -- only as a last resort -- writing a memo. They emphasize taking responsibility and acknowledging clear-sightedly that the other dingbat will probably not change -- not now, not ever. The one occasion in which the authors explicitly recommend polishing up the resume is when we run into a manager who steals credit for all our ideas.

"Working With You Is Killing Me" is certainly lucid enough. The concept of unhooking makes sense, as do the authors' simple suggestions. Instead of storming out or sulking, they say, try taking a time out at your desk. Get real with yourself. Say something true. And if those efforts don't work, re-read your job description: It will remind you what to concentrate on (like, say, selling) and what to ignore (the urge to counsel co-workers). The most interesting chapter looks into the roles we ourselves can fall into at work and how they hinder us. We may think, for instance, that we're fostering really, really good communication when we're just playing a Daytime Emmy-Worthy Martyr.