Courtesy

I was taking with an attorney/entrepreneur this morning and she recounted a time when, in the course of a brief conversation at a conference, another attorney made a remark that can only be described as rude.

It's been years since the remark was made, but it is vividly remembered.

Do people who toss out those comments begin to understand their impact? Do they recognize their capacity to hurt others? Do they realize how quickly a thoughtless quip can transform another person into an enemy or, at best, a non-ally?

I sometimes think that general courtesy began to decline in tandem with brawling. In the past, a wise remark could result in a punch in the nose. Words had to be more carefully chosen because the reaction could be direct and painful. Courtesy, sometimes of an elaborate nature, was a societal restraint on physical combat.

Nowadays, the sensitive trip-wire of courtesy has been replaced by the thick rope of litigation and jail. A cultural boundary has been supplanted by a legal one. As a result, repercussions kick in far later and after much more severe misconduct than they would have in the past.

There are advantages, of course, and yet many days I long for the more elaborate system. To borrow an observation by Edward Abbey: "We should restore the practice of dueling. It might improve manners around here."