Air Traveler's Bill of Rights

Stanley Bing gives the air traveler's real bill of rights. Some excerpts:

If you fly for more than 1,000,000 miles per year, you have a right to a special person whose job it is to apologize to you for that fact that nothing can be done.

You have the right to remain in the airport for as long as is necessary for the airline to determine what they’re going to do with you.

You have the right to leave the airport if you want to, but once you do the airline has the right to cancel your reservation altogether.

Come to think of it, you have the right to consider your reservation absolutely conditional on certain criteria that will remain unclear to you.