- Pretend you haven’t noticed they are there.
- Stay in first gear, especially when they are rushing.
- Let them overhear your personal phone call, and make no attempt to end it.
- Open late. Close early.
- Say “That’s not our policy.”
- Say “That’s not my job.”
- Say “I’m not allowed to do that.”
- Say “I have no idea.”
- Say “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
- Slouch. Chew Gum. Twirl your hair between your fingers.
- Give them a blank stare, or worse, roll your eyes.
- Fidget distractedly.
- Appear bored.
- Finish whatever other task you have at hand, while they wait for you to attend to them.
- Talk story with other employees.
- Laugh at an “inside joke” they are not privy to.
- Speak in a monotone.
- See how long you can go without smiling.
- Be late for their appointment or with their reservation.
- Take shortcuts with your service, saying “you don’t really need this part do you?”
- Make excuses.
- Have a quick comeback for every point they may wish to make with you.
- Offer mechanical, routine service that is so uneventful, so ordinary, that they expect to pull a number and listen for you to call out “Next!”
- Look at them with open disapproval or impatience.
- Speak so softly, or in such a rush, that they need to keep asking “What was that?”
- Give them directions so involved or confusing they have to write them down.
- Give them “scenic” directions that take them out of their way when they really wanted a shortcut.
- Ignore the very young and very old in the group, talking only to the ones you assume are the “responsible ones” - or the paying ones.
- Assume that all customers are the same, and you already know what they want.
Commentary by management consultant Michael Wade on Leadership, Ethics, Management, and Life
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Customer Disservice
Lifehack.org has some excellent guidelines on how to drive a customer crazy. I think I've seen all of these.
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