Do people choose to be unhappy?
No, with rare exception, people do not do so.
Do people choose to behave in ways that will cause unhappiness?
Yes, many do so.
Do they know that it will cause unhappiness?
Yes. For the most part, these are not foolish individuals. They know that negative behavior will produce unhappiness.
Then why do they do it?
Perhaps because the negative behavior is regarded as a solution, not a problem. They use one form of negative behavior to head off what they see as an even worse scenario. For example:
The person who isolates himself or herself from society knows that isolation is unhealthy, but finds it preferable to the stress and embarrassment that can occur when engaging with others.
The person who overeats may see weight as an ally because it may prevent relationships and success and both of those positives bring new pressures.
People who become workaholics may see the extra work as a way to fend off the fear that one day others will “discover” the hidden truth that they are impostors.
So these people do not – at least at the moment – think of the negative behavior as irrational?
Not at all. It is a rational choice in their eyes. It is not rational if they want an overall and lasting solution to their problems but, in the short term, it is quite logical. That’s why so many exhortations against negative behavior fail. The would-be helpers operate with the assumption that all they have to do is point out the negative nature of the behavior. The individual, however, already knows that. What is not surfaced is the desirability of addressing the problem that cloaks the negative behavior as a positive.
And how is that done?
That will be the subject of a future post.
No, with rare exception, people do not do so.
Do people choose to behave in ways that will cause unhappiness?
Yes, many do so.
Do they know that it will cause unhappiness?
Yes. For the most part, these are not foolish individuals. They know that negative behavior will produce unhappiness.
Then why do they do it?
Perhaps because the negative behavior is regarded as a solution, not a problem. They use one form of negative behavior to head off what they see as an even worse scenario. For example:
The person who isolates himself or herself from society knows that isolation is unhealthy, but finds it preferable to the stress and embarrassment that can occur when engaging with others.
The person who overeats may see weight as an ally because it may prevent relationships and success and both of those positives bring new pressures.
People who become workaholics may see the extra work as a way to fend off the fear that one day others will “discover” the hidden truth that they are impostors.
So these people do not – at least at the moment – think of the negative behavior as irrational?
Not at all. It is a rational choice in their eyes. It is not rational if they want an overall and lasting solution to their problems but, in the short term, it is quite logical. That’s why so many exhortations against negative behavior fail. The would-be helpers operate with the assumption that all they have to do is point out the negative nature of the behavior. The individual, however, already knows that. What is not surfaced is the desirability of addressing the problem that cloaks the negative behavior as a positive.
And how is that done?
That will be the subject of a future post.
2 comments:
Ping!
Explaining Unhappiness
http://tweblog.com/2007/02/05/explaining-unhappiness/
Way to keep it simple.
Thanks! The issue of happiness is one of those great untouched items in far too many lives.
Post a Comment