Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Shield of Indifference

We are bombarded with admonitions to care and care some more and indeed those words have their merit. Caring is an essential component of civilization.


If we are to be effective, however, we have to be willing to use indifference as a shield. If indifference is not employed, we'll be overwhelmed by our feelings and manipulated by scoundrels.


It has been noted many times that the side that cares the least controls. A military that cannot take casualties and keep moving toward its goal is at a disadvantage to barbaric groups that can. The executive or manager who invests too much caring in a project is at the emotional mercy of those who would damage or destroy that project without even a blink. The person who feels compelled to stay at a negotiation table is weaker than the person who is willing to walk away.


Criminals, bullies, and jerks often rely on other people playing by the rules of caring. We don't want to be rude. We want to assume that the other side is reasonable. We hope that everyone will desire the virtue of decent treatment. And when those thoughts come up against a predator, they can make us far more vulnerable than need be.


Gavin de Becker, the security consultant who has written on the benefits of fear, has a marvelous line: "'No' is a complete sentence." No further explanation is required. No justification needs to be offered. Just "No."


He's noting that there are times when you simply state your position and walk on because the other side is all too willing to use politeness and manners - your caring nature - as weapons against you.

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