Recruitment Notice

NOTICE: The recent recruiting announcement for a managerial position invites formal applications from all qualified individuals with the following exceptions:

1. People who have met the department head in the cocktail lounge during a professional conference may apply by providing their name and number on a napkin.
2. Relatives of company executives may indirectly apply by remaining at home and watching daytime television while drinking beer or smoking pot and complaining about the lack of opportunities for Art History majors.
3. Internal candidates who were present during the unfortunate scene at last year's Holiday Party may apply by telling the Chief Executive Officer that they would like the job.
4. Any of the above cited candidates who are interested should disregard posted job requirements with the exception of "other duties as assigned."

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer