How to Become a Selfish Toad
Go to social events and think only of putting yourself at ease and not about doing so for others. Postpone writing thank-you notes until their effect is lost. Either wander down a path of self-recrimination that worships your perfection or quickly forgive yourself for any transgression. Fall so passionately in love with your work that you fail to see areas of possible improvement. Keep careful score on what you have done for others but only roughly recall what they have done for you. Don't give to charity and rationalize that lapse by asserting that the government should do more. Never apologize. Rarely listen. Identify solely with the strong and successful. Pay no attention to the unspoken. Be able to cite, in detail, life's unfairness. Relish the role of victim. Expect large rewards with minimal effort.