Thursday, July 18, 2013

Hollywood's Ground Rules



  1. If the list of possible villains consists of a college professor, a plumber, a social worker, and a business executive, the villain should always be the business executive.
  2. Once the appropriate amount of special effects has been determined, it should be tripled.
  3. With rare exceptions, religious figures should be depicted as hypocritical, evil, or foolish.
  4. Car chases should be no shorter than 15 minutes.
  5. Gratuitous political references are desirable, especially if they promote environmentalism or deride conservatives.
  6. Advice on how to present sex scenes should be obtained from 15-year-old boys.
  7. Sparkling dialogue takes time to write so feel free to replace it with obscenity or coarseness.
  8. Assume that your audience is slow-witted. Drive points home with a sledge hammer.
  9. Make the film a good 20 to 45 minutes longer than need be.
  10. Be a rebel, but just make sure that you are rebelling against all of the things your friends rebel against.

2 comments:

Dan in Philly said...

HA! How about a sub-category for lawyers:

All lawyers are trial lawyers, usually criminal.

If one character is a lawyer, he must being either young, idealistic, and good, or old, corrupt and evil.


If two lawyers ever confront each other, the young, idealistic, and good lawyer will face hopeless odds, a skeptical boss, a hostile judge, and a defendant with bottomless pockets. He will win every time.
If two lawyers ever confront each other, the young, idealistic, and good lawyer will face hopeless odds, a skeptical boss, a hostile judge, and a defendent with bottomless pockets. He will win every time.

Michael Wade said...

Dan,

You and I must watch the same films.

Michael