7 Tips: How to Think about Fear

Here are seven tips for dealing with fear:

1. Control your imagination so it doesn't inflate fear. As the medical maxim goes, "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras."


2. Reduce the power of fear by caring less. The more you care about the outcome of an event that you fear, the more you are feeding the fear about that result. Just as you would remove oxygen to put out a fire, remove or reduce the caring to weaken the fear. In negotiations, the side that cares least about the outcome has the most power.


3. Turn fear into an ally. A certain amount of fear can be helpful. It can alert your senses and keep your skills up. Fear is a major defense mechanism but it needs to be properly calibrated.


4. Make sure that you've identified the right fear. Are you worried about something of substance or some trivial matter? Don't be stomping on ants in the front yard when there is an elephant in the living room.


5. Run toward the monster. A folk tale advises children who have nightmares of being chased by a monster to turn and run toward the monster because they will learn that it is not as frightening as they imagined and the creature might even turn into a friend. Many fears evaporate once they are confronted.


6. Schedule time to worry. Set aside 30 minutes to worry about a problem and then announce to yourself, "Time's up" and move on to other matters.


7. Don't read too much into matters. It's fine to be sensitive but not to the point that you add meaning to events or remarks that are more accurately taken at face value. If you are in the habit of doing so, try to catch yourself when you start to "over-interpret" and instead focus solely on the simplest interpretation. If you are discussing where to go for lunch and Ellen says she doesn't care for Chinese food today, that doesn't mean that she is criticizing your choice of restaurants two weeks ago or that your decision to put Chinese food on the menu for the department retreat is under covert attack. It may well mean just what she said and no more.