Listen for the Reasoning

One of the most important things to learn in a meeting is not simply what the other participants think but how they think.


Listening carefully to ascertain the thought process heads off communication glitches and can discourage the easy assumption that the other person is ill-informed or operating with bad intent.


Miller's Rule holds that if the other person is taking what appears to be an irrational position, we should try to picture what reality would have to resemble in order for that position to be rational. In many cases, that view of reality is behind the person's comments.


By studying how the other person thinks, we can bolster our patience. I've served on some committees where my initial reaction was frustration with the approach taken by some of the members. After I noticed how they reason, my subsequent meetings with them became far more enjoyable. I could then see their "script" in action and could better appreciate the substance of what they were saying. We can still disagree on various matters but the chances of reaching agreement have increased.


The process can be as important as the position.