Sunday, February 24, 2008

Dysfunctional Team Member Etiquette

  1. You are assigned to a team with Tom, Carlos, and Mary. The team is to determine the best way to complete a particular project. When Mary starts to put the team's ideas on the flip chart, be sure to take that as a personal insult and silently vow not to share any helpful information unless you are directly asked.

  2. When Carlos indicates that he has some experience in a particular area, scratch that topic off of your list, let him shoulder all of the associated chores, and don't revisit it.

  3. When Mary begins to buckle under the weight of the majority of the work, sigh and tell the others that you suspected that she wouldn't be able to handle it. Snipe at her during team meetings and ridicule her efforts to accomplish tasks you ignored.

  4. Be sure to keep careful notes on the mistakes of your team mates so you can use that as evidence when the project implodes.

  5. If any actions are proposed with which you strongly disagree, say nothing either in favor or opposition. If the project doesn't succeed you can declare that you had serious reservations and if it works you can claim it always had your support.

  6. If a decision is made based on seemingly reliable information and the project blows up, attack those who supported the project and note that you always felt the information was inadequate even though, of course, there was no evidence of that inadequacy at the time.

  7. Ascribe negative motives to the blunders of others and always repeat negative gossip.

  8. Overpromise and underperform. Never attend a team meeting without an ample supply of excuses for missing deadlines.

  9. Speak soberly of how the team must have a commitment to open communication but never let that commitment pertain to yourself.

  10. Broadcast the team's troubles to people outside the team.

No comments: