In a Perfect World

All of the critics in the stands would have to spend time in the arena. Chocolate would be a health food. The mosquito would be a mythical creature. Shyness would be a business advantage. Public speakers would keep it short. We'd all live 30 minutes from the mountains, the desert, and the beach. A Mozart would be born every decade. Those who talk during movies would be quickly assigned to a chain gang. Every couple would be a great match. Fluency in another language would only take an evening. Pasta would burn calories. We would have flats in Paris and London. Good teachers would be overpaid. Bad teachers would be fired. Cops would suffer from boredom. People would be as sweet as old dogs. Thoughtless remarks would have to be repeated three times to be heard. The telephone would never ring on Saturday night. Beauty would receive more attention than coarseness. And there would be just enough confusion to make things interesting.