Monday, August 23, 2010

Checklist for a Memorable Job Interview

Let's see if all of the bases are covered.
  • Have no knowledge of what the firm does. Rely solely on rumors.
  • Wear the wrinkled jacket that is still a little ripe from last summer.
  • Don't waste any time shining your shoes.
  • Put all of your fears and secrets on FaceBook along with those embarrassing photos from Spring Break.
  • Show up late. You don't want to appear too eager.
  • Tell the receptionist the joke you heard on the Howard Stern Show.
  • Give the interview panel your "dead fish" handshake. Wipe your hand afterwards.
  • Use colorful nicknames, such as Howie The Horse, to describe your former associates.
  • Tell them they won't have to spend much on training because you are a wizard on most subjects.
  • Ask if the receptionist is dating anyone.
  • Leave your cell phone on and answer all calls with "Can't talk now because I'm about to be offered a job."
  • Mention that you know a place in Peru where they could have gotten their office furniture a whole lot cheaper.
  • Offer one of the panel members a breath mint.
  • On the way out, tell them that you understand their coyness because you've often encountered the old "Hard to Get" ploy.
Oh yes, call the receptionist a couple of hours later and ask if you got the job.

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