Handling Disputes

In business as in life, there are times when an opposition must be handled. Some classic strategies are:

Consider pretending that there is no opposition. Rather than responding to the points on which you disagree, respond instead to the ones on which you agree. This may shift the focus to a path leading to the resolution of the dispute.

Seize the territory that plays to your strengths and diminishes those of your opponent. Avoid overstatement and overextending your line of argument.

Recognize that not every comment deserves a response. Some comments are made in haste or out of frustration or simply to annoy. The horse does not have to swat at every fly.

Know what is crucial. Let the other side rejoice over the winning of minor points if you have held onto the necessary ones. Let no significant point be unenforceable.

Maintain your dignity. Only get mad on purpose. When your emotions are in control, your reason is not.

Examine your assumptions and especially the extent to which they favor the other side. You may be according the other side far too much power. If they are behaving obnoxiously at a meeting, why should you remain to hear insults? Don't let your courtesy be used as a weapon against you. If they are playing one power game, introduce another.

Recognize, as security consultant Gavin de Becker has noted, that "No" is a complete sentence. You don't have to justify every position.

Remember that the side that cares the least, controls. Beware of caring too much about points that can be exploited by the other side.

Study the opposition and the nature of the dispute. Is this a simple disagreement between parties or a fight to the death? Some opponents are not looking for a better offer; they are seeking instead to destroy.

Don't reward negative behavior. When the other side behaves badly, its prospects should decline, not improve.

You should not rush to demonize but neither should you assume that your logic and values are shared by the opposition. Most opponents have simply taken a different position, but others are opportunistic, corrupt, and/or evil. It is especially important to know when you are dealing with evil.

One ally who is brave and loyal is better than fifty who waver. Choose your allies as carefully as you choose your enemies and remember that not everyone who assumes that label is in fact a friend. Among your friends, some may mean well but require so much attention that it is better if they stay on the sidelines.

Keep your team's internal disagreements hidden, speak with one voice outside of the tent, and always - always - have a clear and simple goal. Don't get too clever. Complicated goals are confusing and they sap energy.

Don't assume that your strength and resolution are shared by all of your team. Take regular steps to maintain morale.