Wednesday, January 30, 2008

7 Ways to Lose a Job

As a public service for those who have grown tired of a paycheck, here are some time-tested ways to lose a job:

  1. Don't be punctual. It's strange, but when employers say they want you there at 8:00, they don't mean 8:05, 8:17, or 9:00.

  2. Fight with your co-workers. If you have run-ins with Tom in operations, Dick in Marketing, and Mary in accounting, it won't be too long before your boss notices a common denominator to those incidents.

  3. Turn in sloppy work. They didn't hire you so they could do part of your job. Show them that you can delegate...upward.

  4. Miss deadlines. Few people have never missed a deadline but making it a habit is as lethal as scrawling "Unreliable" on your forehead.

  5. Be unenthusiastic. Although Fred's Furry Critters BBQ Joint may not play a main role in your career dreams, odds are Fred thinks it's a pretty important place. If you act like it's just a paycheck, don't be surprised if Fred is offended.

  6. Make excuses for poor work. Employers hate this. You can put a cherry on top by also failing to apologize.

  7. Shoot off your mouth. Lewdness, profanity, truculent opinions, and just flat-out indiscreet remarks have zapped many a career. Don't overlook this colorful option.

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