As a public service for those who have grown tired of a paycheck, here are some time-tested ways to lose a job:
- Don't be punctual. It's strange, but when employers say they want you there at 8:00, they don't mean 8:05, 8:17, or 9:00.
- Fight with your co-workers. If you have run-ins with Tom in operations, Dick in Marketing, and Mary in accounting, it won't be too long before your boss notices a common denominator to those incidents.
- Turn in sloppy work. They didn't hire you so they could do part of your job. Show them that you can delegate...upward.
- Miss deadlines. Few people have never missed a deadline but making it a habit is as lethal as scrawling "Unreliable" on your forehead.
- Be unenthusiastic. Although Fred's Furry Critters BBQ Joint may not play a main role in your career dreams, odds are Fred thinks it's a pretty important place. If you act like it's just a paycheck, don't be surprised if Fred is offended.
- Make excuses for poor work. Employers hate this. You can put a cherry on top by also failing to apologize.
- Shoot off your mouth. Lewdness, profanity, truculent opinions, and just flat-out indiscreet remarks have zapped many a career. Don't overlook this colorful option.
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