We are urged to do good deeds. That is a fine thing. The good deeds of others have buoyed each of us on many a day. It is important, however, to recognize a few important aspects of good deeds.
- Consider whether the recipient really wants a good deed. There are those who resent good deeds since they upset their rather dismal world view or they suspect ulterior motives. Some are embarrassed by a good deed. Don't assume that it is desired.
- Do not expect gratitude. If you get it, all the better, but don't expect gratitude.
- Do not expect reciprocity. A noted writer on the topic of influence suggests attaching a future condition whenever doing favors as in "I'm sure you'd do the same for me." If there is a condition, then it is not a favor; it is an agreement. Good deeds should be given without footnotes.
- Do not publicize your good deeds. One of the highest forms of good deeds is the anonymous good deed. If you cannot be anonymous then at least be discreet.
- Be cautious when people thank you. Say nothing which taints the original act. "It was my pleasure" or "You are welcome" are excellent responses.
- Be on the alert for opportunities to do good deeds. Whether it is holding the door for others or sending a contribution, we are surrounded by such chances.
- Don't keep score. Once the deed is done, it is done. Don't dwell on your virtue. Move on and do more.
2 comments:
For #1, it doesn't happen often, but some people find it personally rewarding to struggle a little bit and then eventually figure it out on their own, and may resent someone else insisting on "helping" or offering unsolicited advice anyway. (*Cough* *cough* I may be one of those people...*cough*) In those cases, it is sometimes really difficult to show sincere gratitude when the thrill of the challenge has basically been taken away from you. :-/
CincyCat,
I understand that. An "I've got it covered" can tell people to back off. Those who insist on interfering after that can be placed in the meddler category.
Michael
Post a Comment