Friday, September 04, 2015

Eyeglasses for Pumpkin Heads

I have a vision of the company that makes my eyeglass frames; a firm located in Britain. 

Picture dark satanic mills, with Fagin and Bill Sikes nearby. Scrooge's office is just around the corner. Mr. Micawber handles the paperwork. Uriah Heep is their lawyer. People still use pocket watches. The eyeglass frame manufacturer, filled with artful dodgers, has had my order SINCE THE FIRST PART OF JUNE.

Requests for estimated delivery times draw hoots on the factory floor.

Suddenly there is excitement. Someone just noticed Mr. Wade's order!

Mr. Bumble issues a command decision: That won't do. No order gets noticed until at least three months have fully passed. Four or five, even better. Let that cowboy shop with the Chinese.

Now here's the problem or, more accurately, here are two problems. First, the slugs make really good eyeglass frames. In their leisurely way, they produce a top-notch product, no doubt about it. I'm reluctant to abandon them for some other brand. But even if I wished to do so, the second problem arises. The tardy frame manufacturer seems to have cornered the market on eyeglass frames for pumpkin heads.

I know. I've checked. What other companies call large eyeglasses are sad jokes to those of us whose head size can be diplomatically called PH.

So I wait and wait. Their American sales representative seeks to console me: "We'd understand it if you canceled the order."

I appreciate the sentiment but they're not the ones with PH.

I bet the frames will arrive on Halloween.

[By the way, who is your favorite Dickens character?]

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