By that, I mean the things in life which are such an extension of you that if they are criticized, you take the criticism personally.
I see this frequently in my personal and professional life. Some of the executives that I coach have suffered serious career problems because they've failed to recognize the sphere. Two problems are common:
- They have unknowingly crossed into a co-worker's or superior's territory and quickly experience the equivalent of walking between a mother bear and her cubs.
- An associate or boss does the same to them and they regard the behavior as a personal attack.
You see this in personal lives. One spouse criticizes the house or the children or the car and the other thinks, "He (or she) is really talking about me."
The greater your critical sphere of sensitivity, the more stress you'll have in life. You'll see insults and slights in actions that are completely innocent. Oddly enough, rather than being a habit of a hypersensitive wallflower, this can be just as easily found in assertive "drivers" who have expansive views of their responsibilities and influence. By holding themselves as responsible for more activities, they find themselves having to defend more territory. Others may not acknowledge that territory and may not even suspect that the person would have any interest in or claim to it.
Because of that lack of acknowledgement, the transgressors appear, in the eyes of the person with the sphere of critical sensitivity, as thoughtless or conniving. Bad motives are assumed where none exist.
Are indirect attacks sometimes made intentionally? Certainly there are times when others know your hot buttons and, for whatever reason, choose to push them, but in most cases the pushing is done innocently.
A great deal of calm can be achieved - and conflict avoided - if both sides watch out for the spheres.
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