Years ago, I heard a child psychologist on the radio note that when a glass of milk is spilt, it's more constructive to get a paper towel than to berate the child for the accident.
That advice can apply to the workplace. Although it is very tempting to examine - in grave and ominous detail - chapter and verse of where and why the other person screwed up, it is usually counterproductive.
Does this mean that you shouldn't have "lessons learned" sessions? No. But if you're going to hold them, give yourself time to cool off so the session focuses more on the lesson and less on the culprit. Far too many executives and managers (and parents!) explode and go too far in their criticism. When that occurs, their comments lose credibility because anyone within striking range can spot the exaggerations. As a result, the remarks can be easily dismissed.
A wise executive once observed, "Whenever you are mad, don't do anything that feels good."
I'd add, "Reach for the towel."
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