Recruitment Announcement Footnotes

For some reason, the following footnotes are not found on most recruitment announcements:

1. You don't really need a degree to do this job but we like to pretend that you do.
   
2. The "years of experience" requirement was grabbed out of thin air. We thought that "five years" sounded sort of nice.
   
3. "Other duties as assigned" may seem vague, but they will constitute 90 percent of the job. Think about what that means.
   
4. Unless it's a tech job, "extensive computer experience" means the ability to type in Word.
5. All of those other items in the announcement were taken from an outdated job description that never accurately described the job. They were left in to discourage people. HR doesn't want to process a mountain of applications.
   
6. The initial selection screening will be done by HR. The interviews will be done by the hiring department. Those two groups seldom talk to one another.
7. If you are invited to an oral board, be prepared to discuss your abilities with a bunch of people who don't know how to interview and who want to go to lunch.
   
8. If you call to check on the status of your application, you will make people very nervous. The term "borderline stalker" may be used.
9. If your interviewing skills are a little rough, you may want to take a workshop to smooth them out. The people who make hiring decisions often find inarticulate candidates to be unimpressive. Of course, they don't trust smooth ones.
   
10. It may take us a while to complete the selection process. This may seem even longer to you because you'll probably never hear from us again. If you are eager to see if a decision has been made, see item 8 above.