Neck Tie Translation Guide
Loud colors: Used-car sales rep or talk radio host.
Tie-dyed: Former hippie, head of the Sociology Department, or both.
Harvard crests: Didn't go to Harvard.
Regimental stripes: Probably not a member of the regiment.
Large picture of trout with hook in its mouth: The only tie in the wearer's closet.
Red tie, 1970: The Power Tie.
Red tie, 1980: The Wish I Had Power Tie.
Pink tie: Donald Trump.
Yellow tie: The wearer's profession has something to do with serious money.
Tie with plastic pull-down protector to prevent stains: The wearer's profession has nothing to do with serious money.
Black tie with black shirt: Comedian.
White tie with black shirt: Sopranos wannabe.
Bow tie: George F. Will.