Wednesday, June 18, 2008

If Studio Execs Rewrote Movies

Hollywood is known for rewrites of classic stories. While the creative department can sometimes completely distort the original tale, consider how the scripts would look if studio executives revised various roles.

Captain Bligh in "Mutiny on the Bounty." While on a cruise, your ungrateful staff has turned psycho and you're set adrift in a lifeboat with a few loyalists. You manage to survive on the Atkins Diet for several weeks but later find civilization, a size 29 waist, and the comforting knowledge that some day those ungrateful swine will swing from the gallows. It's payback time.

Ebenezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol." Your evil nephew has been poisoning the morale of your hitherto holiday-obsessed but reasonably loyal clerk, Bob Cratchit, and persuading him to destroy office supplies (e.g. coal). Although you have not fired Cratchit out of fear that his wrongful discharge case might gain sympathy from a jury due to the shameless antics of a disabled relative, your decision may have been unwise. Shivering with fear in the darkness of your humble home, you are beginning to suspect someone has slipped hallucinogenic drugs into your evening gruel. Suddenly, there is a pounding at the door.

Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with the Wind." Your business stopped using slaves due to an abrupt change in the labor laws but then started using prisoners. You've had two husbands who conveniently died and your third husband is a former smuggler who consorts with prostitutes. Your stock has dropped and your public image needs a make-over. While you are in the middle of an executive briefing on outsourcing, your agent rushes in and breathlessly announces that a Mr. Larry King, who was a year ahead of you in school, wants to schedule an interview.

1 Comments:

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Eclecticity said...

The shadow knows!

 

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